Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize