Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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