I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways