he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever