what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.