I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
