Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.