the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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