so that wasnt chicken after all
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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