Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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