I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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