I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
