Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
