We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
