dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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