i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
