did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
