Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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