Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
