We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
