Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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