words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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