felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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