I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
