I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
