Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
