oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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