If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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