So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
