Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
