just come out here and I will go home with you...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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