I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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