i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
