my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
