Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
