just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
