Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We got so high we made milksteak
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
