i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
