I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
