i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize