How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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