My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
