watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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