Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
