If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
