Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
