so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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