so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
