I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
