I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
