You can't special order awesome
you traded sex for a burrito?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just want to make out with him forever
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
