Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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