My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
