It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
