I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
