need another drink. this is the easiest way
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
