please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
