His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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