what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
