dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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