Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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