I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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